Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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