I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
