Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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