Whoa Z and x make the same sound
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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