I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
