My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
