it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
