Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
