they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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