also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I smell stomach acid.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
