Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
