Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
