i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
