Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
