ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The air was thick with penises
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
