I think my vagina is haunted
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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