Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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