When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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