once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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