Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
