I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
