PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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