If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up under a house in Key West
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
