can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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