We won't sleep together?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
