Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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