if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
