And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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