I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Randomize
