Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
