Duck Duck Cougar?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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