i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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