A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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