Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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