I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
