Christians are straight up FREAKS
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
