How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
