We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I need moral support for this bender
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
