what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
