I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
