YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
