Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
