the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
