i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
