my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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