Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
