i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
