just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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