At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
