the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
