Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
