Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
