did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
