Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
