I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
