When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
