You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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